CAN YOU PLAY THAT ONE SONG

• guy: I like your setup!
• dj: Cool. Thanks!
• guy: ...
• dj: ...
• guy: So, I'm going to see Gunz & Roses tonight. You got any drugs?

• dude: got any Jurassic Five?
• dj: it's a Brit pop night tonight, so it wouldn't really fit in
• dude: ok, what about Nirvana?
• dj: Nirvana are American
• dude: oh, I see. then how about The Smashing Pumpkins?
• dj: ....

• lady: do you happen to have "regular" music?
• dj: what do you mean by regular music?
• lady: I mean, like what's on TV, songs with vocals, the stuff we people like...

• Ghetto Blonde: Can you play that one song by that one bitch?
• DJ Zimmie: Can you be more specific about the song or 'that one bitch'?
• Ghetto Blond: (sings "No No No, You Don't Love Me" by Dawn Penn)

• drunk older woman: hey, I like rock
• dj: is that a request or are you just volunteering information?
• drunk older woman: (angry at my question)...I like to rock
• dj: thats nice...I heard you the first time.
• drunk older woman: (angrier, spilling drink on herself)...I like ROCK!!
• dj: ok...ok...I heard you!
• drunk older woman: (satisfied and thinking the DJ had given in, turns around and falls off the stage....DJ immediately dedicates "Pass the Courvoisier" by Busta Rhymes to her as she's being escorted out)

• drunk girl: can you play 'Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangster'? (by the Ghetto Boys)
• dj: uh...no...this is a St. Patrick's day party
• drunk girl: (while 'Flogging Molly' is playing) but you're not even playing Irish music
• dj: (letting that idiotic comment go) ok, if you can name one other Ghetto Boys song, maybe I'll play your request
• drunk girl: who the hell are the Ghetto Boys? is that what you're playing now? because it sucks...
• dj: please leave

• Student: (while Tribe Called Quest is already playing) Can you play some Tribe Called Quest?
• DJ: uh...I'm playing some right now man.
• Student: Oh. Can't you play a song where all 3 of them are rapping?
• DJ: (ignores dumb comment)
• --> in case you aren't familiar with Tribe Called Quest...it's a classic hip-hop group and there are 3 members of the group...2 of which "rap", and 1 of which is a producer who never raps

• extremely drunk girl: (1st time)...hey do you have any techno?
• dj: ....(ignoring girl)
• extremely drunk girl: (2nd time)...come on...play some techno
• dj: .....(still ignoring girl)
• extremely drunk girl: (five minutes later...3rd time)...this hip-hop music sucks...play techno
• dj: ....(still ignoring)
• extremely drunk girl: (4th time...girl takes beer and pours it on the DJ to get his attention)...hey are you listening to me? it's my birthday and I want to hear techno!
• dj: (turns off the music and yells)....BITCH YOU BETTER GET OUTTA MY FACE BEFORE I SLAP YOU!

• Big Drunk Dude: hey man, do you have any of those “bass tracks”?
• Jake: what do you mean?
• Big Drunk Dude: you know, those tracks with the bass in them.
• Jake: um. well this track I'm playing right now has bass in it
• Big Drunk Dude: no, I mean tracks with bass! (reaches for mixer to turn up the bass)
• Jake: security!
• -----> (www.myspace.com/jakeencinasmusic)

• girl: can you play some house music?
• dj instinct: um...isn't this house?
• girl: this ain't house music...
• dj instinct: what do you mean?
• girl: I ain't heard nobody say "booty" yet.
• dj instinct: oh...so you want some "ghetto house"?
• girl: no!! I don't want any ghetto shit...just play some house damnit

spend more time with your girl..and less time at the DJ booth

• Dude: Hey man, my girlfriend is missing.
• DJ: Uh...you might want to call 911 and file a missing persons report.
• Dude: Announce on the mic, that if anyone has seen her to call me.
• DJ: Everyone knows your number?
• Dude: Duhhhhhh, announce the number too.
• DJ: Duhhhhhh, I think your girl might be in the boys room sitting on some dude's "mic".
• (Dude dashes to the bathroom and never seen again.)