CAN YOU PLAY THAT ONE SONG
THE WORLD'S WORST SONG REQUESTS
VIA Torstein E. Bergersen
(DJ-ing at the Ace Hotel)
Preppy White Guy In A Suit: Do you happen to take requests?
DLO: Not at all.  Sorry.
Preppy White Guy In A Suit: Well what if I subtly just happen to say Niggas in Paris?

Girl: Can you play some Rihanna?

DJ: This is Rihanna playing right now

Girl: OK, how about some David Guetta?

DJ: This is David Guetta featuring Rihanna

Girl: Oh.

The DJ Vendetta

V for vendetta

DJ walks into lame ordinary shoe store and find the girl making who made silly requests all night at the club.

DJ: Do you have soccer boots ?

Girl: No (looking stunned)

DJ: Why not, I really want soccer boots

Girl: Ehm… this is a womens shoe store, you know!

DJ: Yeah, but it is my friends birthday so I really want some soccer boots. Do you have any… Puma, Nike, Addidas… just something?

Girl: Errr, no. We don’t sell that stuff here.

DJ: Ok, you know what. If you sell me some soccer boots all my friends will come and buy some. I promise, everybody will think this is the shit.

Girl: HEY! We do NOT sell soccer boots!

DJ: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU COMMIN AROUND MY CLUB ASKING FOR RIHANNA WHEN WE OBVIOUSLY DON’T PLAY THAT SHIT *facepalms her on the way out*

"do want"
ATTENTION LADIES:  your friend’s birthday is not a good enough reason to ask for terrible music
Radio Music

Girl (who just walked into the club): Can you play some radio music?

DJ (playing hiphop): You mean like Top 40 music?

Girl: No, I mean radio music.  Just tune it to z100 so we can dance!

DJ: (setting up before a show)Dude in black goth makeup: cool setup, why do you need your laptop?DJ:  this usb cord comes out into this box and my box connects to my mixer allowing me to… Dude: (cuts DJ off) Got any Anthrax?DJ: Nah sorry manDJ: Well what do you have, cause if you start playing faggy techno shit I’m leaving
guy:  hey dude, do you have Hella Life?  
dj: by who?
guy: I don’t know
dj: sorry, but I can’t play that if I don’t know who it’s by
guy: but dude, it’s the shit, all the girls are asking for it 
dj: sorry man
guy: come on man, pretty pleaseeeeeee???  
dj: sorry
guy: (starts to repeat like a 5yr old who wants their mom to buy them a new toy) hellalife…hellalife…hellalife…hellalife…hellalife…hellalife…hellalife…hellalife…hellalife
(the song he was requesting was actually Hell Of A Life by Kanye West)
Guy: Hey man, can you play some Vampire Weekend?DJ: Uh, I don’t have any. Guy: But, like, come on man, can’t you just download it from iTunes?DJ: Sorry (trying to be polite)
Guy: It’s ok man, I’ll just download it for you (grabs DJ’s laptop, pulls out all the cables out, and stops the music.)Guy: Hey man, what is your iTunes password?DJ: (stunned) Give it to me 
(Guy gives back the laptop.  DJ re-inserts the cables and exit out of iTunes.)
Guy: Hey man, why’d you just close iTunes? 
(DJ punches guy in the jaw.  Guy falls to the floor, unconscious. Crowd applauds)
"Do you have any Katy Perry ‘Teenage Dream’?"